you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
