I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She just used a chaser for red wine.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
