I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
