Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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