Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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