The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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