i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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