I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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