Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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