What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
