I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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