Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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