I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize