I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
