Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize