she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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