You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
