I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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