I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
