Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
