Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
