He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
