I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
