She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
