i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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