She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
