i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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