Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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