I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
