I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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