Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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