All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
