You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize