Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
