Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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