I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
