Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
