New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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