He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
