just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize