I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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