you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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