About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
