I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
