is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
