Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You ate ashes out of my bong
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
