My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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