Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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