oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
there is glitter all over my balls
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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