i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
