so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
