I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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