she told me i tasted like america
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
