when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
