i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
