i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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