Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
