Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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