Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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