Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
