Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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