He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize