I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
