U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
