there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
