Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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