So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
