belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize