What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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