i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
