Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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